WHY is such a big word ...

WHY is such a big word, especially when its accompanying the word "death" ... many times I've questioned different issues or areas in my life and have learned that the word WHY can also be a very lonely word ... because when you let WHY consume you, you isolate yourself into this lonely place ... yep, been there ... not fun ... and then very easily your "why's" can turn into "whaaaa's" ... and then you

are in this huge ball of lonely despair ... not a good place to get to ... however ... even though it's a three letter word, it can still seem VERY large and lonely ...

Our friend Cory McCool left this world on Tuesday evening ... he would have been 32 today - he is in a better place no doubt ... and I do NOT grieve for him ... however, his young wife and 2 small children, ages 1 and 5 and his parents, brother and sister and remaining family and friends I DO grieve for.

So many questions invade my mind at the moment ... "why" finding its way into most of the sentences that my brain is conjuring up inside my head ... I've been taught "NOT" to question God ... and I'm not "questioning" Him, I just would like to know "why" ... does that make sense?

sometimes - I just wish "I knew" about a few things ... many things actually ...

the faith that not just this family had, not just his friends had, not just the thousands of people all over this country had - but the faith that Cory HIMSELF had for HIMSELF was just unbelievable to me ...

after pondering this ... MUCH this week ... and when I say much, it's pretty much consumed my mind ... I came up with this ... God did exactly what Cory asked Him to do ... Cory was sold out to God, and prayed for His will in his life ... along with that comes the phrase that most don't find very pleasant ... and that is "whatever the cost" ... yep - Cory was totally sold out to God, whatever that meant and whatever the cost ... and in this case, God saw fit for him to come home ... yes, he got his healing - ultimate healing ...

sometimes though, life just doesn't make sense ... and we may never know "why" ... however, I do know this ... I still have to "trust" (tough word) ... sometimes I find it easier to "question" and much harder to "trust" ...

Cory's last words ... he raised his hands in the air and said, "We Won" ...

MY OH MY what a testimony to faith ... that you know you were not defeated ... Great is his reward in heaven!

One thing I've realized this week ... Death can make people do, say, feel, act, react, talk, cry ... so many emotions are produced by death ... what is so sad ... is that most of us are guilty of waiting until someone has passed before saying all those things about them ... when in fact, if that person (who passed) knew what everyone thought of them - wow - can you imagine?!

I've been guilty of sharing what I thought about a person while standing in front of their casket ... and many of those thinking "man, I wish I had of said it to them while they were alive" or even said it more while they were alive ... yep- guilty there ...

It makes you stop and think ... treat people nicer, don't let the little things become big things, say what you mean MORE often!, hug more, kiss more, love more, say I love you more, forgive, forget, smile, enjoy the little things, slow down, enjoy smelling the roses along the way ...

just don't have regrets!

My heart goes out to Jina, Cory's wife ... knowing that she had a very small space of time ... actually just moments to tell him everything she wanted to tell him before he passed ... knowing there were no other opportunities to say just the right thing ...

what would I say if that were me? I can't even imagine what she is going through right now ... today is the viewing and memorial service this evening ... and the funeral tomorrow ... Nathan and I really wanted to go, but we had prior obligations and it's in Michigan ... but if you don't mind, please mention this sweet family in your prayers today ... for God's peace and strength to wrap around them and help to comfort their minds and help them with their "why's" ...

So ... if today was your last day and tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like it was your last, leave "old pictures" in the past, donate every dime you had? Would you call those friends you never see, reminisce old memories and forgive your enemies? If today was your last day?

humbled ... tammy

no room for waver ...

how's your faith?

does it waver? ever? sometimes? maybe?

hmmm ...

I have to admit that sometimes I have issues in the "waver" department when it comes to faith ... for myself that is ...

I can have ultimate faith for someone else and their needs ... but when it hits home ... well ... I guess sometimes I waver ...

Having faith for a friend in need at the moment ... Cory McCool ... diagnosed with stage 4 cancer ... doctors are giving him 6 months to live with no hope ... he's only 32, has a beautiful "unwavering" wife and two small children ... and his faith is OUT THE ROOF right now and totally "unwavering" ...

WOW!!! .... What an inspiration he is to me ... to have this kind of faith for himself! .... He believes God is going to give him a miracle ... I am believing with him ...

My prayer right now is for him to keep his unwavering faith ... he is such a testimony ... and I know God is going to honor this ...

When you pray - please mention this family in prayer ... they are coveting all prayers and positive thinking at the moment ...

I know God can and will do a miracle in his life ...

God help ME to have this kind of faith for myself!

humbled ... tammy

Dawson's "X" Party ...

today we celebrated Dawson's 10th birthday at the park ... he requested a "ballgame" between him and his friends ... and that's what they did!

I think they all had a great time!

Happy birthday party Dawson!

happy day ... tammy

Age of X, Seniors and American Girls ...

what a fun filled weekend ... we left last Thursday evening for Atlanta ... stayed until Sunday ... and have been non-stop since we got home! literally ...

we went to the Georgia Aquarium on Saturday - SO very cool! thoroughly enjoyed ourselves there! our fav was sitting in the room with a 60x60 foot glass window watching the "sea life" to classical music! man - wow! very nice ... did lots of other things there too including the Titanic exhibit which I enjoyed ... being the Titanic buff that I am ... and LeAnna was very interested in it too - asked lots of questions and even looked through a book I have here at the house a couple of times since we've been home ...

we did the American Girl thing ... and Chrissa is now a part of our family ... very cool store ... LeAnna thoroughly enjoyed herself ... she said, "Mom, this is the best store I've EVER been to!" ...

after - we came back to the hotel and LeAnna went swimming while I went and did a senior pic session for my cousin James ... we also threw in some family pics as well of Jan and Jimmy and the boys while we were at it ...

can't believe James and the man he has become ... wow! we heard him speak at a youth rally on Friday evening and he did awesome! So proud of him! but can't believe he's graduating!!! When Nathan and I got married, Jan was VERY pregnant with him and he was born about 6 or 7 weeks later ... time flies!

Today is Dawson's birthday ... my nephew ... he is 10 years old! Can't believe that either!!! Man - I'm getting OLD!!!!!!

He's having a party on Friday, but tonight he invited us to eat with him and bowl a game or two at Strike and Spare ... they had a large time!

Happy Birthday Dawson ... it's the Big X for you!

happy day ... tammy

Half the year is gone ... but I'm still here ...

Crazy month ... it's half gone and I'm just now posting!!!

It's been a busy month ... lots of clients right now - keeping me busy ...

I had opportunity to do a session for a CD cover for a jazz/blues player last month and a session for a comedy DVD project this month ... those were lots of fun but hard work - mostly in the hot sun! Lots of others in between - its usually this busy in the fall - so ... I'm afraid to see how it will actually be in the fall! oh well - it's a blessing, cause I can sure use the extra money right now! Two house notes is NOT good ... so if anyone out there needs a condo - PLEASE contact me!!!! SOON!!!!

LeAnna began swimming lessons last week ... tomorrow is her last lesson ... she has done SO well ... I'm so very proud of her!

this time last week, she was a scarred little girl who would not go under water and had to have a life jacket on ... but this week ... well ... here's a video of her jumping into 8 foot off the diving board ...

So proud of her!

AND ... I uploaded pics/video from my little purse camera today ... and discovered this ... I had no clue she had done this and it was SO funny and totally put a smile on my face and an out loud laugh!

too funny ... she is crazy!

We are leaving to go out of town tomorrow after swimming lessons ... we're going to Atlanta for a "mini vacation" for several days ... I'm also doing senior pics for my cousin while were there ... it should be a fun filled weekend! I'm looking forward to getting away for a bit ...

als0 - in other news ... Daisy turned "1" last Tuesday and we forgot! LeAnna sang happy birthday and gave her a gift on Friday ... oh well ... thought that counts and we're the only ones who know - she doesn't give a rip! ha!

Also - Coco went to a new home! He was getting too much for Nana to handle and getting tangled up in her feet and she was afraid she would fall and that wouldn't be good with her knee surgery and all ... so ... he went bye-bye ... however, he'll be coming to visit frequently! We will miss him though ...

Posting should happen more frequently now ... I hate getting behind ... 84 Moments is finally caught up too! Whew!

happy day ... tammy