Do you ever wish you could go back in time ... and talk to yourself as a kid, teenager, or even younger adult?
... knowing YOU are probably the ONLY one YOU would listen to! - ha
hmmm ... I know I have weird thoughts ...
but man ... if only ... yeah, some days I wish I could go back and talk to myself as a kid ... tell myself it's okay to feel what you're feeling, but you're going to be okay ... yep ...
well, the more I thought about this ... and the more I thought about what I would say "to me" ... I realized that I did have someone that gave me those little talks ... probably not everything I wanted to hear, but there were some things "I actually heard" that I needed and stuck with me ...
however, she's gone ... she died in 1992 ... 18 years ago ... 1 month after Nate and I married ... and even after all these years, sometimes I miss her ... miss talking to her ...
she was someone who really understood where I was at and what I was dealing with ... she had been down the same road herself and was facing some of the same things ... although she never paved a smooth ride - she told me about the bumps in the road ... about the people who would never really understand ... she prepared me ...
and days like today ... I just wish I had her to talk to again ...
I probably know exactly what she would say ... however, just sitting beside someone, leaning on their shoulder, and knowing without them saying a word that they understand ...
she was lovingly known to "most" as "Squirt" ... aunt Squirt ... that side of my family is known for nick-names ... not sure I would want mine to be "Squirt" ... however, I had plenty growing up!
... shortcake, short britches, doodlebug ... you would think I was short or something - ha!
oh well ... just a fleeting moment of time ... "and this too shall pass" ...
Saddened today for friends of ours... we had two deaths associated with our church this weekend ... which meant two different funeral homes, two different families on Sunday ... and the funerals yesterday ... heavy hearts for them ... because I know all too well, that after all the friends and family members have gone back home, and the food is just about all eaten that was brought by caring people, and the flowers that were sent have all wilted ... there you are ... alone ... in your mourning ... and it takes a very long time for it to "get better" as we're all told... "it will get better, easier, etc." ... and it does ... but it's the LAST thing you want to hear at that moment ...
so yes ... heavy heart for our friends today ... no deaths are easy, but tragic ones somehow seem worse ... not just the deaths this weekend ... but my own loved ones on my mind today ... and a dear friend who lost her bff one year ago today ... feeling heavy for her too ...
you're left with questions in your mind like ... what were the last words we spoke? did they know how I really felt? did I ever get around to really telling them what they meant to me? what were their thoughts? were they scared? did they feel alone?
...sometimes these questions can drive you insane ...
... you just have to Trust a GREAT big God that "all is well" and that He will help soothe your aching mind.
As I hear the birds chirping outside ... and the sun shining ... I know there is a powerful calm I feel knowing that God does care and understand how I feel at every moment in my life ... just as he cares for my friends ...
... He commissions us to be His hands, His feet, His voice, His arms ... and to just "be there" in His place, so we as humans can feel the tangible ... because most of us NEED the tangible for it to be real ... it's hard sometimes having that "blind faith" ... it's there ... but sometimes you just need "tangible" ...
in thinking of this Easter week ... because Christ did what He did for us ... we CAN be His tangible ...
so ... have you been "tangible" today yet?
happy day ... tammy
