Seasons ...

Neglect ... back burner ... too busy ...

these words make me NOT happy ... because this is what I've done with my blog ... my journal ...

Who cares? Right?!

Who really cares if I blog or not ... not that many I'm sure ... however ...

I do ...

I don't do it for those who read it ...

I do it for me. For LeAnna.

Just because.

Anyhoo ...

Not on purpose have I neglected ... but due to being really busy and also due to having some eye issues at the moment, it's taking me twice as long to do anything - which has not left a lot of time to blog.

A lot has happened though ...

Nate had a birthday ... he turned 37.

We had Thanksgiving dinner for our family at our house ... food and fellowship was great!

LeAnna had her 8 year check up ... grew 2 1/2 inches and gained 12 lbs this year!

We had a holiday couple party for some friends ... haven't laughed that hard in a while!

I had a hard drive to crash ... lost all my pics from LeAnna as a baby to 2005 ... still crying over this ... really.

and ... LeAnna had her school Christmas program this afternoon ... here are two of my favorite people ...

Yep ... and in the middle of all that - eye issues ... surgery looms ...

Sometimes I wish I had "do-overs" ... I wish I could go back and relive some moments.

Very special times I try really hard to memorize the moment to recall later ... I guess with the issues I'm having currently - it makes me stop and see things differently (literally) ...

I'm learning not to take things for granted ...

"Seeing" is something that everyone, pretty much, takes for granted everyday. It's very easy to do this, until suddenly you can't see good anymore. My right eye is visually impaired, to the point that I don't see much out of it right now. Honestly, this scares the poop out of me! Not only am I having retinal hemorrhages in both eyes, my retina is also detaching in my right eye. Hasn't fully detached THANK GOD, but major surgery is looming to repair this in the near future ... just praying it doesn't totally detach before then.

My cowardness prevails and I will admit I'm very scared. I'm not a very open person when it comes to my health issues ... that is something I keep very private ... I guess for fear of not being viewed as "normal" ... ha ... anyone who knows me knows I'm not normal ... I'm a flippin' weirdo at times! oh well ... it takes weirdo's like me to make the world go around I guess ...

My pastor, my father-in-law, preached a sermon this evening on "seasons" ...

well ... I couldn't help but sit there and cry ... knowing that once again, another season in my life is happening ... a season that for many years I dreaded ... and that is diabetic related health issues ... although I've been having these eye issues for a while ... just never this bad to the point of not seeing at all ...

Some seasons in my life I've welcomed with open arms ... some, not so much. However, just as Winter turns to Spring, which turns to Summer and then Fall ... "seasons" have to happen.

Just not dealing well with my season. I actually don't like it at all. Oh well ... that's life.

Life ... there is SO MUCH that lies in between

L - I - F - E ...

I can't help but wonder if I'm between the "I and the F" or the "F and the E" ...

I'm shocked that I'm allowing all of this to be in my journal ... I normally don't ... and most would be shocked if they knew all I leave out ...

But the reality is ... this is me ... and this is where I'm at ...

I watch LeAnna everyday ... and try so hard to make sure she knows how much I love her ... how much I care for her ... I want her to remember ... and recall ... someday ...

I look around ... and everyone around me has their own set of "seasons" they're dealing with ... and I've learned ... no one knows and understands your issues like you do ... no one is going to care about you like you do ... what's BIG in your eyes is probably very small in everyone else's ... and that's okay ... that's life ... and knowing that ... it helps me understand others better.

I also realize that "one day at a time" is an "okay" pace to pursue ... knowing that hopefully soon, a new season is just around the corner.

being thankful for each day ... tammy