WHY is such a big word, especially when its accompanying the word "death" ... many times I've questioned different issues or areas in my life and have learned that the word WHY can also be a very lonely word ... because when you let WHY consume you, you isolate yourself into this lonely place ... yep, been there ... not fun ... and then very easily your "why's" can turn into "whaaaa's" ... and then you
are in this huge ball of lonely despair ... not a good place to get to ... however ... even though it's a three letter word, it can still seem VERY large and lonely ...
Our friend Cory McCool left this world on Tuesday evening ... he would have been 32 today - he is in a better place no doubt ... and I do NOT grieve for him ... however, his young wife and 2 small children, ages 1 and 5 and his parents, brother and sister and remaining family and friends I DO grieve for.
So many questions invade my mind at the moment ... "why" finding its way into most of the sentences that my brain is conjuring up inside my head ... I've been taught "NOT" to question God ... and I'm not "questioning" Him, I just would like to know "why" ... does that make sense?
sometimes - I just wish "I knew" about a few things ... many things actually ...
the faith that not just this family had, not just his friends had, not just the thousands of people all over this country had - but the faith that Cory HIMSELF had for HIMSELF was just unbelievable to me ...
after pondering this ... MUCH this week ... and when I say much, it's pretty much consumed my mind ... I came up with this ... God did exactly what Cory asked Him to do ... Cory was sold out to God, and prayed for His will in his life ... along with that comes the phrase that most don't find very pleasant ... and that is "whatever the cost" ... yep - Cory was totally sold out to God, whatever that meant and whatever the cost ... and in this case, God saw fit for him to come home ... yes, he got his healing - ultimate healing ...
sometimes though, life just doesn't make sense ... and we may never know "why" ... however, I do know this ... I still have to "trust" (tough word) ... sometimes I find it easier to "question" and much harder to "trust" ...
Cory's last words ... he raised his hands in the air and said, "We Won" ...
MY OH MY what a testimony to faith ... that you know you were not defeated ... Great is his reward in heaven!
One thing I've realized this week ... Death can make people do, say, feel, act, react, talk, cry ... so many emotions are produced by death ... what is so sad ... is that most of us are guilty of waiting until someone has passed before saying all those things about them ... when in fact, if that person (who passed) knew what everyone thought of them - wow - can you imagine?!
I've been guilty of sharing what I thought about a person while standing in front of their casket ... and many of those thinking "man, I wish I had of said it to them while they were alive" or even said it more while they were alive ... yep- guilty there ...
It makes you stop and think ... treat people nicer, don't let the little things become big things, say what you mean MORE often!, hug more, kiss more, love more, say I love you more, forgive, forget, smile, enjoy the little things, slow down, enjoy smelling the roses along the way ...
just don't have regrets!
My heart goes out to Jina, Cory's wife ... knowing that she had a very small space of time ... actually just moments to tell him everything she wanted to tell him before he passed ... knowing there were no other opportunities to say just the right thing ...
what would I say if that were me? I can't even imagine what she is going through right now ... today is the viewing and memorial service this evening ... and the funeral tomorrow ... Nathan and I really wanted to go, but we had prior obligations and it's in Michigan ... but if you don't mind, please mention this sweet family in your prayers today ... for God's peace and strength to wrap around them and help to comfort their minds and help them with their "why's" ...
So ... if today was your last day and tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like it was your last, leave "old pictures" in the past, donate every dime you had? Would you call those friends you never see, reminisce old memories and forgive your enemies? If today was your last day?
humbled ... tammy