End of the Alpha ...

Field Day - 2008

what can I say?!

a bunch of hyper kids ... playing games ... ALL day long ... NON-stop activity ... VERY structured ... with a VERY organized coach ... almost too organized ... WAIT ... there's no such thing right?! ... ha! ... Love me some organization!

LeAnna won 2nd place running ... she was SO excited!

this is her "I'm so excited and I just can't hide it cheesy pose"

they had a great time!

BUT ... 2:45 came ...

and it was time to say Good-bye! not to the kids, she will see them all on Sunday at graduation ...

but, to the classroom ... the kindergarten class room ... a room of "beginning" ... of MANY school rooms to come ... however ... this one is special ... it's the first one ... the "alpha" so to speak ...

a room that she grew to actually love!

I remember the very first day of kindergarten ... she fought back the tears so hard ... she tried to be strong ... she sure didn't want Mommy to leave the classroom ... even though I hung around for about 30 minutes ... just making sure she was okay ... AND ... making sure I was okay ... entrusting my baby with a stranger ... a nice one, but none the less, a stranger. WAITING until I got out of the classroom, down the hall, out the door, into the car BEFORE the tears poured. Thanks Allison, for sensing what I was feeling ... making me laugh and walking me to the car ...

I remember the day very well.

I also remember the bond she made with Ms. Green, her teacher.

I also remember 1/2 way through Christmas Break ... she was SO ready to go back to school. Wow! What a change!

I remember Nathan calling me several times throughout the year after he had dropped her off ... reassuring me that she was fine and was happy ...

THEN ... the last day of school happened ... Friday ... she was fine until we got to the van ... she got in, sat her stuff down (our arms were full of her things) ... she sat down in her seat and immediately began crying ... not just crying ... sobbing ... like an "I can't stop cry" ... and in between sobs I heard, "I don't want to leave kindergarten ... I miss it ... I don't want to leave" ...

I thought "fast food" might help ... (always helps me! ha!) however, she cried all the way to Krystal ... all the way home ... we even called Daddy and she turned it on for him too ... wow! she's broken!

However ... I am happy ... not that she was sad and crying ... but that ... God answered my prayers ...

at the beginning of school, I prayed for a good teacher ... one that would help LeAnna, calm her fears, help her learn to detach herself from "home" and "Mommy and Daddy" for 7 hours a day ... and one she could learn from ... and .... He did just that!

Yep ... very happy ... because it was very hard for me to let her go ...

I'm glad she did well ...

I'm happy that she loved her teacher and her class and made very good friends ...

Ms. Green told me she was the only student in her class whose "banana" remained yellow the whole year ... meaning the behavior system she chose was yellow bananas (due to the theme being Monkey's)... and if you were good and never called down they remained yellow... if you were called down, they changed to green, then blue, then red ... red meaning you went to the principals office and then your parent was called and you were sent home ... this happened to a student or two in the class at some point during the year ... NO one wanted a red banana after that incident! All of the students knew this about LeAnna and on Friday played a trick on her ... someone moved her banana to green just for fun - she got a big kick out of that!

Everyday, the behavior sheet came home and a parent had to sign it and send it back the next day ... and the "color" of banana was circled for the day ... there were days I would trick her and say, "LeAnna Batson - you got a green banana today!" ... she would just laugh and laugh ... knowing that was not true.

LeAnna made Mommy and Daddy very proud because of this and we were very happy to let her know how happy and proud we were.

Tomorrow is graduation ... going to be a great day ... I, for one, will be fighting back the tears I'm sure ... only because as I've said before ... tomorrow is one of those "things" that I waited so long to be able to experience for myself ...

Once again, "Thanks God ... I don't take my miracle lightly and never for granted"

Tomorrow is also my birthday ... ugh! Not excited about turning a year older ... but, you know ... maybe I am ... it's better than the alternative! ha!

Nate had a party for me Friday evening at Tequilas .. my favorite Mexican restaurant ... 30 of my closest family and friends were there and I was so happy to be able to share with them ... and the cake ... it's all about the cake at this age! ha! was so good ... STRAWBERRY my favorite! We had a great time!

I will post pics later of that event ... Renee has them on her camera ... =0)

And ... I'm sure there will be pictures tomorrow ...

happy day ... tammy

Always Have A "Plan B" ...

today was beach day/favorite book day ...

there were several activities planned ... and since "outside activities" were canceled ... it was all inside! AND the natives were restless!

their outfit today was "summer wear" ... they were to bring a beach towel, sunglasses and a favorite book!

the teacher had so many cool things planned for outside today ... oh well ... thank goodness for a "Plan B"!

we had "centers" set up at different tables with several "Plan B" activities ...

they had a lot of fun anyway ... as much fun as "Plan B" activities will allow ... =0)

here are a few pics ...

getting her "graduation poodle" signed by all her classmates ...

today was the last official "in the classroom" day ... tomorrow is Field Day and they will either be outside or in the gym all day long!

All of their belongings in their little cubbies came home today ... I enjoyed looking through her little basket that she brought home ... picking up each item, remembering the first day of school when some of those items were placed in the basket. It's been a good year.

I spoke with the teacher today ... she said LeAnna was definitely ready for 1st grade.

a lot has happened this school year ...

- learning to read

- introduction to math

- introduction to spanish

- learning to make new friends and "introduce" ourself to others

- piano

.... so many little things that prepare you to start the first grade!

One year down ... 12 more to go! - AAHHHHHHH

She graduates Kindergarten this Sunday at 2pm ... we are excited! I'm emotional - of course! - and - PRAYING I don't make a fool of myself Sunday ...

some know ... some don't know ... what I went through to get to this point ... and you know what? for those who "don't understand" my emotional'ness' and my making "big" of what others may make "light of" ... that's okay ...

I take NO special moments for granted ... period. And to me ... this is a special moment!

okay ... I'm back now ... whew ... sometimes I drift out there ... anyhoo

Tomorrow is Field Day ... I'm sure there will be tons of excitement tomorrow!

happy day ... tammy

Pancakes In My PJ's ...

I think this was one of LeAnna's favorite days of the year ... not only did she get to wear her PJ's to school ... she got to eat pancakes!!!!

For those who know her well ... you know that she LIVES for pancakes ... "try's" to eat them every morning ... she is so crazy about some pancakes ... she wouldn't even eat breakfast this morning before school ... she had some peanut butter and cracker sticks on the way! She wanted to be hungry for pancakes at 9am!

Anyhoo ... the kids were SO hyped about today ... however, I don't think it was "all" about today ... it's the last week of school and they are almost out of control ... Ms. Green said that the last chapel today was CRAZY ... every class, every grade, there were issues today ...

I think EVERYONE is ready for Summer Vacation!

LeAnna is happy about "no more uniforms" ... "no more naps" ... "not much work left" ... AND she decided that Friday would be her last day of Kindergarten ... the school is open and not officially over until next Wednesday ... however, the Kindergartners got the option of Friday being their last day with graduation on Sunday. And ... we have to let them know by Thursday if she's attending next week or not ... and she's not ... So ... Summer Vacation officially begins this coming Monday -the 19th ... AND ... I have the Summer already planned for her ... she is excited and at least has something to look forward to. I will be telling more about our "happenings" soon ... next Monday will start a "my summer vacation" blog ... I will post the link on Monday.

Here are some pics of today ...

Can you tell she was excited about pancakes?!

Tomorrow is a "beach adventure and book day" ... AND looks like the beach is going to be inside! due to the rain predicted ... Ugh! More pics tomorrow ...

happy day ... tammy

hotdog and cheese ...

Monday ...

went to the doctor with Mom ... her 3 month check-up ... went well ... he was pleased ... however, he is limiting her "work" ... when she does work, it is to only be for four hours at a time for at least another month. she was okay with that ... =0)

busy rest of the day ... working.

This week is a VERY full week ... it's the last week of school and there are things happening everyday. The teacher asked me to come in and take pictures everyday of the "happenings" ... and then upload the pics to Costco, where they print in an hour ... she will then go pick them up each evening and TRY to complete her special scrapbooks she's making for each student in her class BEFORE graduation on Sunday!

crazy busy ...

So ... today ... Tuesday ... they went to Purity Dairy this morning ... parents were not allowed to go ... so I met them at Edwin Warner Park for lunch and playtime ... they had so much fun! It was a perfect day ... not too hot and thanks to the overcast, I guess it could have "seemed" hotter. So it was nice ... for us "old" parents anyway! ha!

here are some pics from the day ...

LeAnna and her best friend at school, Jordan ... came up with nick names for each other ... they affectionately call each other ... Hotdog and Cheese ... LeAnna is Hotdog and Jordan is Cheese ... too cute!

tomorrow is Pajama Day ... they are to wear pajamas, bring a favorite stuffed animal and at 9am we're making pancakes!

fun ...

happy day ... tammy

A Wedding, A Funeral ... and some Crazy Love!

it's been a whirlwind since I last posted!

There was a funeral, a wedding and LeAnna was a flower girl ... all in the same day!

The funeral was supposed to happen on Friday and it got changed to Saturday ... at 2pm ... which happened to be the same time as the Wedding ... so ... LeAnna and I went to the wedding ... Nate went to the funeral ... I hated to miss it ... but I had no choice ... LeAnna was in the wedding and I was photographing it ... I sure hated Nate missed LeAnna being a flower girl ... but he had to speak and play at the funeral ... she did so good ... I was a bit worried ... she has been a little shy lately and I didn't know if she would get up there and flip out or what ... however ... once I told her that I would be practically walking down the isle with her and up on the platform with her ... she was fine ... the bride wanted me up close and personal ... and I was ... ha! ... at one point ... I found myself standing beside the minister! hahahaahha ... I then thought "what am I doing?" ... and I moved over to the side! ... gotta get those ring shots! =0)

anyhoo ...

here are a few pics of my little lovely one ... I was very proud of her ...

uncle Wade ... I was so happy for him Saturday ... because he's happy ... but it was SO weird for me ... seeing him with someone besides my aunt Mary ... I guess because "knowing" there was a funeral going on at the same time and I wanted to be there as well ... that I was thinking of Mary's funeral not to long ago ... oh well ... life happens ... and we move on ... I'm just happy he's happy now.

Mother's Day ... a very cool day ... a day I've celebrated since I was born (whether I knew it or not) someone helped me celebrate it for my Mom! =0)

it's a day ... that I waited SO long to celebrate for ME!

I watched all my friends celebrate this special day ... and I celebrated with them ... wished them well ... even gave gifts to some at times ... but after the celebration was over ... after being very thankful and appreciative of my own Mom and Mother-In-Law ... I would then "alone" wallow in my misery and self-pity due to my "motherlessness" feelings of not being a mother myself!

I remember all the Mothers being asked to stand and then the ushers would pass out small gifts to them to honor them being a "mother" ... and I longed SO bad to be able to stand and get my prize ... sounds so stupid right?! AND I would have Sunday School children run up to me and bring me colored pages and be so proud to present them to me ... I was SO appreciative and loved everyone ... but I wanted MY very own child to run up to me and give me a scribbled drawing ... and I wallowed in this for years!!!!!

So on Mother's Day NOW, I don't take it lightly when I'm handed a small gift from an usher ... it means something to me ... very special ... and when my little baby girl runs up to me with a handful of weeds she's just picked or a page she just colored ... I melt and I savor every moment!

I can SO sympathize with the women who long to mother their own child ... it's a feeling that is VERY difficult to explain it's meaning ... it's a craving you just can't satisfy ... and what is SO cool?! is that God put it there ... it's a God-given nature to want to "mother" ... and I am SO glad and very happy thankful that He satisfied my craving 6 1/2 years ago!

Isn't it crazy?! Crazy that you could feel that kind of love that you feel towards a child?! The kind of love that one minute could rip you apart ... and the next minute feeling like you would give your everything for it?! yep ... crazy love!

I'm just so humble and thankful that He gave me the "desires of my heart" ... very grateful ....

and so ... on this Mother's Day weekend ... happy happy happy Mother's Day to all of you celebrating today ... and to those dear ones who WANT to be able to make this day your very own ... hang in there ...

Friday ... Nate was off and we had several errands to run and was out picking up gifts for our Moms ... so we were running a little late and Renee offered to go pick up LeAnna ... she was at the school turning in applications for the kids ...

when we arrived to the house to pick her up ... LeAnna presented me with a huge vase of flowers and a card ... oh my goodness ... Renee will never know what she did for me ... all those times that I did that for other friends of mine ... those memories came flooding back ... and I am very humble and thankful ... thanks Renee for making my day ... and the card? oh my ... GOT ME!!!! Renee asked LeAnna what she wanted to say ... LeAnna said ... "I like the way you love me" ...

WHAAAAAA WHAAAAAA (crying REAL tears now) ... Man .. that got me!

Whew! Okay ... better now ...

So ... Happy Mother's Day to all of you ... very special people ...

love, love and happy day ... tammy

Regret or Relief?

Death ... it's a word that I have issues with.

It's so "final" - profound I know.

This evening we got word that a lady in our church was nearing death ... we dropped everything 'literally' ... I even had bell pepper chopped up in the skillet and was starting to prepare supper ... and we got dressed and hurried out the door.

I really thought we were going to say our final good-byes, and then leave to go on to church ... however, we were only there about 30 minutes and she passed away.

I wasn't really prepared for that ... I wasn't expecting that at all actually ... and when it comes to "death", especially when it's due to a long, drawn out illness ... that's how most of my family members passed away ... with me right there watching ... so when I'm faced with this, all of those memories come rolling back in ...

so this evening was a bit overwhelming to me to say the least ...

My true "really effected me" death experiences started 16 years ago today actually ... how ironic ...

my aunt passed away "suddenly" ... she was my favorite aunt on my Dad's side (his sister) ... we had a lot in common ... we shared "diabetes" together ... both diagnosed at the age of 8 ... she died at 42, 16 years ago today.

I was with her when she passed away ... not easy ... very hard actually ...

we were at a Mother's Day luncheon at church ... she started having chest pains, we took her to the hospital ... she never came home ...

since then ... I've had hospital and nursing home duty with extended illnesses before passing away with my grandmother, father, granddad and aunt ... this was VERY taxing ... and VERY hard when you're the ONLY child in the family. LeAnna and I are the only living ones left in that family tree. Weird to think about actually.

So ... my heart goes out to this family ... it's been a very difficult road for them ... I totally sympathize ... and NO ONE can comprehend until you've "been there done that" with a family member. Days like these you HATE to see coming, but at the same time - there is such a relief that you feel too! SO many emotions balled up into one moment ... and I think we saw them all this evening at the home of this dear lady ...

So ... because of this happening today - it took me back to my own memory of my aunt because of it being today ... and then also of my other family members, especially my Dad ... WHY did he suffer? I think the hardest thing is watching them lay there and suffer and question why can't they die? My stomach is in knots right now just thinking about it ... we found 3 or 4 loaded guns in the house that we didn't know about when my Dad passed ... he mentioned several times of taking his life because he was in SO much pain ... I am SO THANKFUL he didn't ... but I hated that he suffered so much. At times I questioned the same things myself ... why?!

Sometimes it just doesn't make sense to me ... I guess the songwriter felt the same way about some things when he/she wrote the song "We'll Understand It Better By and By".

The hardest thing for me is watching a dying person struggle to take their final breaths ... knowing that "breathing" is the MOST natural thing we do ... and that we take it for granted on a daily basis .... because we just know it's going to happen ... you're going to breathe whether you actually think about doing it or not! it just happens! but this evening ... watching Sis. Huddleston breathe her last breaths ... some of them were 30 seconds apart ... until she took her final one ... it just makes you stop for a moment and realize, "this is it" ... no more ... no more chances ... no more opportunities to say what you should have said ... no time to "make up" or "make it right" ...

I struggled with many things the night my Dad passed away ... SO many things I said to him in his final moments, I stood over him wishing I had said them SO long before then ... hoping and praying I hadn't waited too late ...

My only advice I have to whoever it may be ... is ... say it now, make it right now, don't wait until there's no opportunity to do so ... even if it's trivial, and so small that you wouldn't think it would matter ... BELIEVE ME, no matter how small it is in your mind, it's magnified a million times at the death of that person and YOU are the one who's got to live with it - the other person is dead and gone and will have no recollection of it ... you however, will live the rest of your life with either "regret" or "relief" ...

yep ... been there done that ...

so this evening ... my heart is heavy ... very full ... full of memories ... full of sadness ... full of regret ... full of relief ... all types of emotions balled into this moment.

I'm hoping and praying that if you are faced with a similar situation that you are full of "relief" instead of "regret" ...

definitely something to ponder ...

respectfully ... tammy

If It Itches ... Scratch it!

so ... where do you begin a post when SO much has happened since you last posted?!

well ... Sunday was packed with things ...

- sunday school

- baby dedication

- kaitlyn "baptitized" (her cute way of saying it)

- sis. flora long's 100th birthday celebration

- open house (got an offer, we counter offered, waiting to hear)

- evening church

- dinner afterwards to celebrate miquela's birthday

Monday ...

well ... was a blur ... worked like crazy ...

for family night we went to see NCS's performance of Aladdin, Jr ... too cute.

Tuesday ...

field trip to the zoo ... ALWAYS an adventure going on field trips with kindergartners!

the parents that attended were assigned students ...

my two were LeAnna and MacKenna

here are a few pics from the day ...

The "real" monkey's at the zoo!

ok ... this was the funniest thing ... we're at the petting part of the zoo ... and there were goats ... well ... all the kids were petting the goats ... and this one little goat was at the end of the fence by himself ... all of the other goats have their heads hanging over the fence with the kids petting them... this one however, had his better half hanging over the fence ... I found this odd and started walking towards it ... to my surprise ... he started moving back and forth and used his head to help him move easier ... he was scratching his behind on the fence post! I started laughing SO hard ... I was dying ... I would have given anything for a video camera at the moment ... I did take a few pics of him moving back and forth ... but pics do not do it justice ... hahaahahahha ... oh well ... if you've got an itch ... scratch it!

we had a great time ... but I was very happy that we got to leave when it started getting really hot!

I have been so crazy busy with all my jobs the last couple of days that I'm not sure if I'm coming or going ... I'm ready for it all to slow down just a bit!

but until then ...

happy day ... tammy

Encouraging The Unassuming Invisibles ... is the "true" Art of Encouragment.

today ... I was invited to attend a special get together at my home church ... they have a monthly ladies get together called "Women In The Word". Sis. Tinney was the special speaker today ... and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

she spoke on the "art of encouragement" ... she mentioned how things that we say ... whether good or bad ... will have an effect on the person we are speaking them to. And I thought ... how true that we never seem to forget the "true encouragement of the spoken word" or the "true discouragement of the spoken word" ...

so I sat there thinking as she was speaking of how someone "effected" her at 11 years old. someone said something to her that she has never forgotten. what was said, left her with a question in her mind as to how the "speaker" meant it and to this day she's never forgotten it. it made her question her confidence level about herself ... and obviously, patterned her life somewhat, all over those few small words that just "popped out" of someones mouth and as an 11 year old, wasn't sure how to take it.

hmmm ... so I began thinking ... you know? ... there are things that stick out in my mind that people have said to me through the years ... that are STILL there. some good ... some bad ... and yes, I have to admit ... effected me. For me to still remember something said to me at 8 years old, and for me to STILL toss that around in my head? yep ... had an effect!

Man! Makes one stop and think ... and to SERIOUSLY and carefully choose every word that comes out of the mouth towards someone else ... and ponder it a bit before popping it out ... will this hurt this person? will this uplift and encourage this person? will I leave them WONDERING for the next 30 years what I REALLY MEANT!

I have BIG issues with perception! So many times ... we say things without thinking and honestly mean NO harm at all by them and think SURELY they will take this right (as an after thought) ... and then only to find out years later that something "you" said, they were offended by. Ah man, that is horrible! And I've been there ... didn't have a clue that someone felt indifferently towards me, only to find out that something that was said years ago, was taken wrong and feelings had gone unattended by this one little unassuming comment. This happened to me recently and I was stunned ... I never would have had a clue, had they not approached me ... which I am SO glad they did ... WoW ... you just never know ... I was SO sorry that they felt that way but was very relieved that they came to me, so I could plead my case and make things right. I think they were very relieved too, and felt much better after coming to me.

So ... art of encouragement ...

I really liked one statement she made ... she said, there are SO many people in this world that become invisible in this world ... mainly because someone years ago, said something to them that hurt them and they never forgot it or let it go. And because of it, they walk around with low self esteem, no confidence in themselves and lead invisible lives ... and WE pass them by everyday unassumingly, keeping them invisible. Like the single mother of three, who is not able to purchase and wear the "trendy" clothes, who has more than her share of bills and no help from a spouse because he left her. Like the not so attractive, verbally beaten down bag lady at the market, who bags groceries for a living, probably because she doesn't feel like she could do anything else. These people are the way they are, because of the "spoken word" good or bad, spoken years prior that made them who they are. When who we "normally" give the encouragement to are people with the "trendy" clothes on, or the ladies that don't have "so many" issues, or lending the words of encouragement to the "executives" at work instead of the "people who clean the toilets".

when all they need is a word of encouragement. not a "general" word of encouragement, but a SPECIFIC word of encouragement, meant just for them, that when said, would be taken personally (in a good way).

I was definitely challenged to "specific encouragement" ... and to give more of it ... especially to "unassuming invisibles".

Yep ... it was nice today to be reminded that when you "think" you don't have a "so-called Ministry" ... the Art of Encouragement is a wonderful ministry to choose. And anyone can do that - if they so choose to.

I was glad I took time out of my busy life to attend this morning ... it was an encouragement all in itself!

happy day ... tammy

digging in the dirt with HAIRY the potter!

Today I went to a special lady's house from my church and spent a couple of hours with her. We had the best time! She was so excited about our date ... she planned a very nice morning and it was a total surprise as to what we would do! The only details she gave me were, "wear something you don't mind getting a bit dirty and bring your camera".

When I arrived, she placed a special apron that someone gave her, around my neck ... and said ... "we're going to re-pot some flowers!" which we did ... and I found out that she had been nurturing them for a while and decided to "un-pot" hers and helped me re-pot my very own pot to take home ... how special is that?!

I really enjoyed walking around her house, her showing me things that were special to her ... and just getting to know her. I see her at church just about every time the doors are open ... and we smile and hug ... and exchange pleasantries ... but ... as I've said before ... when someone invites you into "their" private space, their home, their life, etc. ... it means a lot!

Yes ... I got a lot out of today ...

first, it was nice just to "get out" of the house, take off work for a few hours ... second, I got to know "better" a very special lady ... third, she taught me some things I didn't know ...

and the pot of flowers was such a nice gesture ... not only did she give of her time to spend with me, she gave me something "of hers" that was of importance to her ... something she had been nurturing and caring for ... and she shared with me, for me to bring it home and share with my family.

Thanks Sis. Special Lady ... for "giving" to me today ... what a blessing.

happy "hairy potter" day ... tammy

Working and Wishing ...

May 1st!

It's Kindergarten Graduation Month!

She graduates on Sunday, May 18th ...

I'm a wreck about "Summer" already!

When she comes home from school, she comes in the door saying, "I'm bored! I need someone to play with" ...

oh my ... I can only imagine how summer will be!

AAHHHHH ....

I've already decided to "structurize" our summer! We are going to have things to do around here and then certain days of the week we'll have things to do outside the house ... hopefully this "will help" some maybe?!

Yesterday ... Aunt Betty and Nena left to go back to Florida.

They have been here 3 months and the reason for their trip was to help Mom.

They have been invaluable to Mom and I - and for that we are most appreciative!

Mom was very emotional yesterday over them leaving ... I felt so sorry for her! She cried a lot off and on throughout the day.

"the house feels so empty and I feel so alone" ... that's how Mom felt.

Bless her heart ... I asked her if she would like LeAnna to stay with her last night. She GLADLY accepted and loved the idea!

So I asked LeAnna if she would like to spend the night with Nana.

her response ... "what in the world will I do with her if she gets up in the middle of the night?"

ha!

Ends up ... we both stayed with Nana last night!

We'll see how tonight goes ... Aunt Judy might stay ...

I guess we'll take turns until Mom feels comfortable "moving about the cabin" in a big ol' house by herself. I think her fear is falling and no one there to know about it!

You know ... we just live SO FAR away ... it would take all of 10 seconds to get to her if need be.

oh well ...

This is the schedule until she is more comfortable.

So ... just working ... and working ... and working ...

and wishing ... and wishing ... and wishing ...

THAT I WAS NOT working ... and working ... and working!

hmmm ... 63 days and counting until vacation!

wOO - hOO

happy day ... tammy