Secure ...

Tonight I had a "moment" ...

We went to a Christmas program at DJ and Karla's church tonight ... very good by the way ... it was called "The Elevator" ... very moving ...

Anyhoo ... afterwards we went to dinner and then home ... LeAnna was asleep when we arrived home and Nathan took her to her room and put her in "her" bed.

She hadn't been there two minutes when she came into the kitchen ... all upset ... she wasn't really making sense ... I kept asking her "what?" over and over ... finally I realized - duh, Tammy - she's half asleep ... but I started understanding what she wanted ... so I took her back upstairs and tucked her back in ...

She was scared.

All alone.

Upstairs by herself.

She said ... "please, will you lay down with me? Just until I fall asleep and then you can leave."

I agreed, although my "thoughts" were ... I have SO MUCH to do before I can go to bed ... I've worked on the Christmas Program all day today and had pictures to edit too ... (thus the reason it's 2:30am and I'm still working) ... knowing I still had to finish all of this before I could lay my head on my pillow and actually go to sleep!

I laid there ... listening ... her breathing was heavy for a bit from where she was so upset ... so I put my arm around her and pulled her close ... thinking, "go to sleep - I've got so much to do" ... but the longer I laid there ... I realized ...

I'm doing the most important thing right now ... over and above ANYTHING else on my agenda for the rest of the evening ...

Nothing else matters at this moment, except me laying here ... holding my baby girl ... being her "security" even if it is only until she falls asleep ...

So I laid there ... thinking ... basking actually ... in the moment ... realizing once again ... for moments like these ... I cried many a night ... praying ... literally begging God at times ... for my very own baby to love, help feel secure ... hold in the middle of the night when she was scared ... and to think that I would actually be "so busy" that I was wishing those precious moments away! How dumb of me! And all those times I "said" ... "I would never take my baby girl for granted" ...

yep ... big reality check moment for this long awaited to be Mommy!

So I laid there a little longer than necessary ... just holding her ... and basking ...

Thanks again God for my "promise" that came to me in the form of LeAnna. Even though my promise took longer than I thought necessary, I just didn't see "the end" and that it really was perfect timing. Help me to never take her for granted in any form or fashion ... or any of my family members for that matter. Because I've quickly learned over the last few years ... that there is a season that includes every living thing ... and how quickly things change and people fade away, and sooner than not into eternity. You are perfect and I'm so grateful for your perfection in Your Will in my life ... amen

happy daze (at this point) ... tammy