March 13th ... has special memory for me ...
Seven years ago today ... I "reluctantly" tore open ANOTHER, one of many, pregnancy tests ... and ...
waited ...
three minutes can seem like an eternity when you are dying to know if it's YES or ANOTHER big fat NO!
... to my surprise ...
there were two lines ... not one line.
WOW!!!
I was SO happy ... and I didn't want anyone to know ... that I opened my mouth, but suppressed the sound and jumped up and down ... (I was in the bathroom in front of the mirror - remember it vividly)
here I was ... all by myself ... with a two-line, positive pregnancy stick AGAIN (many miscarriages) ... and I was celebrating this information with me, myself and I!
... on purpose though ... I wanted to surprise Nathan in a creative way ...
well ... I couldn't WAIT long enough to be that creative ...
so ...
I typed up a card on the computer, put it in a shoe box (he loves new tennis shoes) and laid the positive pregnancy stick in it as well ... I placed the box on the bed, on his side ... and waited for him to find it.
I think he must have been in a weird mood ... maybe he wasn't feeling his best ... I don't know ... who knows ... but when he got ready to get in bed, he saw the box and said ... "WHAT? a pair of shoes? I don't need anymore shoes" (boy he pegged that one right!)
I said ... just open the box (thinking - maybe I should have been more creative) ...
he opened it and read the card ... it's like it didn't make sense ... then he saw the two-line, positive pregnancy stick ... he still didn't understand ... I had to explain that "two-lines" meant you were pregnant! His mouth fell open and he could hardly speak!
It was a very special moment ...
then ...
we waited ...
more waiting ... AGAIN!
This was my 5th "known" pregnancy ... so I was on pins and needles during the waiting period!
The doctor decided to put me on a medication to "trick" my body into thinking that the baby was NOT a foreign object so it wouldn't attack it (as it had done before) ...
the meds worked (of course) ...
and we have a LeAnna!
So ... back to today ... seven years later ...
I tear up at the smallest of things that she does ... makes ... says ... etc ... I fight SO hard to hold back those tears ... I don't want to seem like all I do is sit and weep!
But when you wait as long as I did and DREAM of having your very own moments to share with your very own child instead of "borrowing" everyone else's moments with their children ... because you think it will never happen to you ... I guess that's why I feel this way. And I try SO hard to not take any moment for granted ...
In my private time this morning ... I thanked God for the opportunity he did give me ... and that was to be a mother ...
Sometimes I feel like I don't do it right ... but I try ...
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only mother who participates in all the parties and all the functions at school ... all the kids know my name now ... it's not just "LeAnna's Mom" anymore ... I'm Ms. Tammy ... but they see my face very often! =0)
I "almost" got upset at the fact that I can't get ANY volunteers to help me tomorrow - hide Easter eggs for 'the hunt' ... but the more I think about it ... "who cares!" ... I'm just happy to have the opportunity to hide eggs ...
hide eggs, color, read books, play house, cook together ...
just thankful today for my "opportunity" ...
Me ... the dumb patient who can barely control her diabetes in a normal range, who begged WAY more than 100 million times for a child - not REALLY knowing what all it entails being a parent ... yet, God entrusted me to care for a child - to raise her right, teach her "the golden rules", teach her that the most important thing she will ever do in life is know Him ...
Wow! What a responsibility -when you stop and think about it ... because as parents ... we are accountable for them, their souls ... until they are of age to understand ... and once that happens ... what they've learned (by us telling them or by example) is what molds them into who they're going to be ...
AAHHHHH ...
have I said enough? done enough? been an example enough (in a positive way)? have I loved enough?
I'll never really know ... until years have passed and she is left sitting in the same seat I am ... wondering the same things about her own children.
yep ... heavy heart today ...
happy for March 13, 2001 ...
happy for March 13, 2008 ...
loving the loving and enjoying every minute of it!
happy day ... tammy
4 comments:
My happy day was the day after Memorial Day 2000. I thought I had jetlag from our weekend trip to Maine. Surprise it was our long awaited joy-Jaden! If you would have had LeAnna sooner she wouldn't be able to marry Jaden:) I thank God every day for His perfect timing. Celebrating with you today for your precious miracle.
AAAAhhhhhh... I remember!!! You were going to tell us on a Wednesday night after church (you had a special way of telling us) and we left before you could, so you called me the next day at work! We were all so excited....
You had some rough times during your pregnancy with LeAnna, but ultimately we knew everything was going to be all right and it was!
You and Nathan are some of the best parents I know and I just think you're a fabulous mother! LeAnna's lucky to have you! You take very good care of her and she's very well behaved!
Today is a special day for you and you just enjoy it!
I totally agree with Jennifer. You are an incredible mother...he couldn't have picked a better mother for LeAnna. Period.
That is awesome!!! I loved reading that.
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